How to overcome FEAR instantly

Werner Erhard with his younger son, St. John
Werner took his son, St. John, to Hawaii. They went sailing. John was very frightened. He already knew that the boat is not likely to tip over, and both of them wore life jackets. In other words, they would be safe. However, reassurances and explanations are not always enough to quieten fear.
When they got way offshore, John started to talk incessantly. He kept on going: “Why don’t we turn around and go back?” “I think we’re out far enough. And besides that, I think that the mast is going to break, and the rope is falling down.” “I looked and there’s a cloud up there and it’s getting bigger and I’m shaking a lot, don’t you think?” “I think we ought to turn around now and go the other way.”
John was on automatic.
Werner said “son, if you are frightened, you don’t need to hide that. If you are afraid, it’s all right to let me know that you are afraid. You don’t need to go through that whole racket in order to hide the fact that you’re afraid.”
John acknowledged “Yeah, I’m afraid.”
John sat there and was able to experience fear. He was frightened. But he did stop talking. He no longer had to hide the fear with his talk. He could be quiet and he was.
When they were back to their hotel, Werner asked John: “How do you handle fear in life?” “How was he going to handle his being afraid in a sailboat?”
John had a very good idea about that. He said that he would just not go sailing anymore. The logic of this was overpowering. Werner remarked that what he can do is to avoid all the things that are uncomfortable in life as a way of getting around being uncomfortable. He can set a high value on being comfortable. That’s a sure solution and it’s a solution most people take. They get down in one little corner of the boat of life and play down in that corner, where it is nice and safe and where they are protected from all discomfort and all fear and all harm. And they are truly survivors.
They even look good, because they are always dealing with something as totally familiar to them, as something that they can handle.
Werner told John that it was possible to do that. The only problem with that is that he never gets to the true joy in life. Life gets more and more stuck. Eventually, he makes up really horrendous problems to have some variety in life. He might get deathly ill or have some tragic accident.
John thought that over for awhile. Werner asked if there’s another way to overcome his fear of sailing.
John came up with the idea that he could overcome his fear of sailing by being afraid of sailing. He got excited about going sailing and being frightened the next day. He actually looked forward to being frightened, because he already knew that he had discovered for himself that the way you overcome being afraid of sailing is by experiencing the fear. John chose to expand rather than to contract.
That’s the whole story about self-discipline. If you are afraid, the point is not to rub your nose in it, to inure yourself to it, to get used to it, or even to overcome it. The point is not to jam it down or suppress it. Rather the point is to choose to be uncomfortable in order to allow being uncomfortable to be. When you let something be, it lets you be. That way, you attain mastery.
What stands in the way of this is only your point of view. Your point of view is the point from which you view – which therefore you do not see. Your point of view is positional, and to get off it, to leave it behind, is always uncomfortable and frequently terrifying.

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About the author: Hoan Do is a certified leadership coach with John Maxwell Team. Hoan have led multiple teams at Symantec Inc. across the globe delivering world-class solutions to protect consumers and businesses. Hoan is an expert in building highly performing teams. He believes that the best leader is the leader that could grow his followers to be leaders. Hoan has been organizing mastermind groups at work to share with other leaders about transformational leadership and coaching. He has trained many leaders both inside and outside Symantec via mastermind groups, workshops, and one-on-one coaching. Hoan perfected his own method “think and lead rich” to start leaders with the right mindset before equipping them with a complete leadership development solution.

Quotes from Werner Erhard to help you deal with fear and live life lovingly:

 

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Reference: Werner Erhard The Transformation of a Man: The Founding of EST by William Warren Bartley III

Why has experience helped some and not others?

career

In recent hirings, I talked with several managers about experiences of candidates. We wanted to look for candidates with experiences that we needed. We put that in job description. Many resumes we received had 15 years of experiences in a particular field but those candidates either moved too often but stayed too short from organizations to organizations or did not grow much from their positions. They looked like having one year of experience 15 times. There were candidates with fewer years of experiences but they passed our strict tests with a high flag.

Why has experience helped some and not others?

Dr. John C. Maxwell said that we begin our lives as empty notebooks. Every day we have an opportunity to record new experiences on our pages. The problem is that not all people make the best use of their notebooks. Few who do make use of their notebooks often reread what they wrote and reflect on it. Reflection turns experience into insight. Experience teaches nothing, evaluated experience teaches everything. In other words, experience is automatic, insight is not.

Dr. John C. Maxwell taught about experiences:

  1. We experience more than we understand. In order to close the gap between understanding and experience, write it down and reflect on it daily.
  2. Our attitude toward unplanned and unpleasant experiences determine our growth.
  3. Lack of experience is costly.
  4. Experience is also costly. We can not gain experience without paying a price. Experience gives the test first and the lesson later.
    Mark Twain: I know a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and he learned 40 percent more about cats than the man who didnt.
  5. Not evaluating and learning from experience is more costly. It’s a terrible mistake to pay the price for experience and not receiving the lesson.
    Mark Twain: if a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won’t sit on that hot stove again. In fact, that cat won’t sit on a cold stove either.
  6. Evaluated experience lifts a person above the crowd.

How do we apply this lesson? I have a habit of writing down what happened to me since high school. Shihan Arakaki (founder and grandmaster of Musokai Karate) taught me to write down both what happened as well as what I learned. Now Dr. Maxwell taught me to write down my experience, my thoughts, my learning, and really spend time to reflect on it. The entire process takes less than 15 minutes daily but it has been a life-changing habit. It will be for you too.

For more details, please read Leadership Gold by Dr. John C. Maxwell or join one of my mastermind groups.

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The secret of Tim Ferris’s 4-hour work week with applications and exercises

Why am I reading this?
  • To find out what Tim Ferris means by working only 4-hour per week. I’ve read his article on LinkedIn. He was able to live a life of his dream with a lot of traveling. I want to find out his method and how I can apply to my life.
An interesting exercise which is similar to what Steve Chandler talked about:
  • Contact high-profile people and get them to reply to your questions
Another practice:
  • Ask for phone numbers of at least two attractive members of the opposite sex on each day. It’s not important to get the number, it’s important to overcome fear of asking.
    Example of a script (a more challenge on is to ask 3 girls in a row in less than 5 minutes): “Excuse me. I know this is going to sound strange, but if I don’t ask you now, I will be kicking myself for the rest of the day. I am running to meet a friend, but I think you are extremely cute/hot. Could I have your phone number? I am not a psycho – I promise. You can give me a fake one if you are not interested.”
Secrets of efficiency and effectiveness:
  1. Pareto’s principle: Limit tasks to the important to shorten work time (80/20)
  2. Parkinson’s Law: Shorten work time to limit tasks to the important.
Application: identify few critical tasks that contribute most to income and schedule them with very short and clear deadlines.
An exercise: ask yourself constantly at least three times per day
  1. Am I being productive or just active?
  2. Am I inventing things to do to avoid the important?

Like/share/put + if this helps someone.

Still need help, send me an email at coach@hoanmdo.com

Should you make a counter offer when your employees receive another job offer?

Zig is an engineer working for manager Tim. Zig is not a top performance but an above average one. For various reasons, Zig like other engineers in the company is getting paid below the market level.

Zig comes into Tim’s office one day: “Tim, I love working with you and the project. However, company X offers me a job with much higher pay. With my current situation, I must go for it.”

Tim is shocked as he has gotten Zig into a critical project and Zig really loves this new project. Zig is a loyal engineer who has been with the company for over 10 years. Tim quickly rationalizes in his mind that he can’t lose Zig. Even though matching Zig’s offer would make Zig the highest paying employee in his team, Tim sees no other way out.

After some exchanges to understand more about the situation and the offer, Tim: “What if we can match the offer?”

Zig: “I would love to stay.”

Zig gets a bump in compensation. 

Unbeknown to Tim, the news about Zig spread across the organization like wild fire regardless of both Zig and Tim’s swear to keep the matter confidential. 

Employees quickly learn that to get a raise, they can generate an offer from another company and threaten to quit. 

Employees also learn that people get a raise anytime not just during an appraisal review. In other words, they learn that their managers lie to them when stating the company policy that raise can only happen during an appraisal review.

Employees also learn that they could ask for a raise. This encourages politics in the company. The aggressive employees would ask for a raise and would not back down till they get what they want. The less aggressive ones might ask but would not get it. Quickly, people learn that they must be vocal and aggressive.

While managers can save someone from leaving from matching the offer, it has a consequence that is difficult to deal with in the long run.

Like/share/put + if this helps someone.

Still need help, send me an email at coach@hoanmdo.com

How to get your dream job with no experience – Lessons from Bill McDermott

Bill McDermott is the CEO of SAP, the world’s largest business software company. He worked at Xerox for 17 years climbing its corporate ladder from an entry-level salesman to the corporate officer and division president. Bill then went to become the president at Gartner. Bill joined SAP as its CEO for North America in 2002. He again climbed the SAP’s corporate ladder to become SAP’s CEO.

How Bill got the jobs he wanted is a valuable lesson. It demonstrates a key principle: if you really want it and are willing to ask for it, you will get it.

1982 Bill’s first job at Xerox when he was 21 and just got out of college ( he didn’t go to any prestige school):

Bill went to the interview at Xerox’s office in New York. He wore a $99 suit (an expensive suit at that time) as he believed in overdressing and showing his professionalism.

When he said goodbye to his dad, he told his dad: “I just want you to know I’m coming home with my employee badge in my pocket. I guarantee it….Dad, I love you. I am coming home with a badge in my pocket.”

Bill realized that his chance of getting into Xerox was very slim. He was competing against people who went to Yale, Princeton, Notre Dame,…

Instead of panicking, Bill connected with other interviewees to learn as much about them as he could. He asked about where they came from, what schools they went to, what they were at Xerox for…. In other words, he was interviewing his competitors.

Bill completed several rounds of interviews and was ushered into a senior sales executive’s office for the final interview.

Instead of being nervous, Bill remembered his mom’s words and took them to heart: Just be yourself.

When the interview with the executive completed and Bill was told that he would hear back from Xerox after they reviewed all interviews, Bill did not want to wait. He knew exactly what he wanted: a job at Xerox.

He told the executive: “I told my father as I left him at the train station today, that I guaranteed I would come home tonight with my employee badge in my pocket. In twenty-one years, I’ve never broken a promise to my dad, and I can’t start now.” He then looked the executive into the eyes with silence. He knew that all he could do was to ask for what he wanted.

Bill got the job on spot. He did not leave immediately but closed the offer: “I do want to confirm that you’re going to hire me at the Xerox Corporation and I’m going to work for this company, yes? You’ve given me the job, is that right?”

Bill’s first sales manager job at Xerox:

After securing the support from the man in charge of Xerox’s New York operation, Bill applied to become a sales manager.  Bill was the least experienced, youngest candidate.

Bill arrived at the interview dressing above his present grade. While in the waiting room, he interviewed his competition. He asked about why they wanted the job, what their plan would be if they got the job…. Once he’s done, he knew that he had an edge: he wanted the job more than anyone else and he was prepared more than anyone else in the room.

Bill then interviewed with an executive who had the hiring authority. He showed her his plan in writing and told her what he would do as a sales manager.

Then he closed the interview after the executive told him to wait for HR to communicate the final decision: “You know that I can sell. And I know that I can get everyone on the team to sell. Give me this chance, and I will make this team number one in the country. I guarantee it. Number one.”

“Well, Bill, that is very different from everyone else.” She was smiling. “I appreciate everything you’ve done today.”

“I respect you, and therefore I don’t want to ask you tedious questions. I only want to ask you one more: Will you give me your trust and give me a shot at doing this job?” Bill asked.

“Bill, there’s a process we have to go through . . .”

“My trust is in your hands, and I believe the right thing will happen. I’ll be in the office early tomorrow if you’d like to talk some more.” Bill concluded.

Bill got the job. Once again, Bill asked for what he wanted and got it.

 

 

 

If you really want a job, ask for it. Go straight to the decision maker and ask for it with all your passion and energy. Be sure that it’s your dream job.

Learn another skill to ASK for what you want: “This simple skill is worth millions, helped many become millionaires, billionaires

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Join 4,662 other followers

Other popular articles:

  1. Making 6 figures? How to avoid being one of 69% of Americans who have less than $1000 in the bank.
  2. How to get your dream job with no experience – Lessons from Bill McDermott
  3. 20 minutes that can change your life
  4. A SPECIAL GIFT FOR YOU – WHY SHOULD I HIRE A COACH?
  5. Making 6 figures #2? How to avoid being one of 29% of American households with no retirement savings
  6. How to guard yourself against negative influences
  7. Life lessons from a Uber driver who was laid off
  8. This simple skill is worth millions, helped many become millionaires, billionaires
  9. Leaders are readers

About the author: Hoan Do is a certified leadership coach. Hoan have led multiple teams at Symantec Inc. across the globe delivering world-class solutions to protect consumers and businesses. Hoan is an expert in building highly performing teams. He believes that the best leader is the leader that could grow his followers to be leaders. Hoan has been organizing mastermind groups to share with other leaders about transformational leadership and coaching. He has trained many leaders via mastermind groups, workshops, and one-on-one coaching.

PS: if this article inspires you, don’t wait. Take action immediately. If you want to talk, contact me by sending me an email to hoandojmx@gmail.com . To get a response, be sure to tell me your dream.

PSS: Read Bill McDermott’s memoirs: Winners Dream