Four frightening words every manager must avoid

One of the most dreadful sentences at work: “We need to talk.”

A manager comes to his engineer’s desk and says in hurry: “We need to talk.”

Engineer in fearful voice and distressed look: “Now?”

Manager:  “Tomorrow as I have to run.”

The manager leaves and the engineer is in complete puzzle. He’s now wondering if there’s any serious problem he’s got involved with. His co-workers who overheard the sentence come over asking if there’s any problem. They start sharing how stressful it was for them to hear the boss getting mad in one-on-one.

The engineer comes home losing sleep. He can’t even finish his meal worrying what’s going to happen when his boss talks to him.

The morning comes. The tired and stressful engineer meets the boss.

Manager: “The project you worked on last month got selected for the presidential award. I want to talk to you about the upcoming promotion.”

The engineer is shocked. He collapses and is sent to hospital in an ambulance.

The manager is investigated. It turns out that he has a habit of saying “we need to talk” to express his power. Often times, “we need to talk” resulted in serious talks with his engineers leaving the talk crying.

The manager is fired even though he’s a very competent guy.

If you are a manager, respect your people. Treat them the same way you want to be treated. Keep in mind that the meaning of your communication is in the other person’s mind, not yours.

#WorkplaceRudeness, #jerksatwork, #thesamuraicoach, #lifeisgood#letsgethonest, #letsbehonest, #letsgethonest

Let the bully go… your team will thank you

An engineer asked his manager: “how do you deal with a bully at work?”

Manager: “please define a bully.”

engineer: “A bully is someone who belittles, puts down, challenges, criticizes others. A bully treats people as less of a human-being. A bully can backstab others, telling good things in front of them but constantly spreading lies behind their back.”

Manager: “Hmm, I never had to work directly with a bully myself so I don’t really know.”

engineer: “Has there been anyone in your team who fits one of characteristics of a bully as I described?”

Manager: “Yes, there was one guy who bullied people. He was brought to my attention. After awhile, I let him go as it didn’t work out.”

engineer: “Was he a top performer?”

Manager: “No.”

engineer: “What if he’s your top performer?”

Manager: “I will either let him work alone or let him go. A bully is a bully is a bully. If I don’t act on him, other people will think that I approve of his behaviors. He will become a bigger bully. I make it clear to everyone around me that I tolerate no brilliant jerk and I really mean it.”

engineer: “What if he doesn’t report to you, he’s a top performer, he’s his boss’s favorite? ”

Manager: “That’s a tough situation. However, a bully is a bully is a bully. He will drive down productivity. I will talk to him, his boss, his boss’s boss, and HR till he’s no longer a bully in front of me, my team, and my colleagues.”

Manager: “By the way, if a boss tolerates a brilliant jerk, that boss is most likely a jerk too.”

The engineer walks away enlightened as he’s glad he works for someone who knows how to deal with a bully at work. He also understands why people like to work for his manager.

The ancient secret to control your anger

A leader who had a bad reputation due to his anger and hot temper came to see his coach.

“Coach, how can I manage my anger?” the leader asked.

“How committed are you to deal with your anger?”, asked the coach.

“Coach, I can’t control my anger. I got angry too easily. If this continues, I would lose my job, my wife, my children, and my friends. I beg you to help me”, the leader begged the coach.

“Here’s a bag of nails, a hammer, and a wooden board. Every time you get angry, put a nail into the board”, the coach gave out the secret.

The board was made of hard wood. It was difficult to put the nail in. The first day, the leader put 30 nails into the board. His hand hurt.

The second day, he put 25 nails into the board. The third day, he put 24 nails into the board. Gradually, the leader found that it was easier to control his anger than putting the nail into the board.

After 30 days, the leader found himself putting 0 nail into the board. He was finally able to control his anger.

He happily told his coach his success. The coach congratulated him and said: “Here’s the nail punch. Every time you can control your anger, use it to take one nail out of the board.”

Day after day, the leader took nails out of the board. Finally, he got all the nails out of the board. He felt accomplished and came to see the coach.

The coach gently told the leader: “Look at the board, my friend. It’s full of holes. No matter what you do, the holes will be on the board forever.”

The lesson: if you stab someone with a knife, no matter how many times you apologize the wound will be there forever. The pain caused by words is as painful as the physical pain. Angry words are like sharp knifes. You can cause permanent damages to someone that can’t never be healed.

#thesamuraicoach, #letsbehonest, #leadership, #coaching, #WorkplaceRudeness, #jerksatwork, #lifeisgood