How to overcome FEAR instantly

Werner Erhard with his younger son, St. John
Werner took his son, St. John, to Hawaii. They went sailing. John was very frightened. He already knew that the boat is not likely to tip over, and both of them wore life jackets. In other words, they would be safe. However, reassurances and explanations are not always enough to quieten fear.
When they got way offshore, John started to talk incessantly. He kept on going: “Why don’t we turn around and go back?” “I think we’re out far enough. And besides that, I think that the mast is going to break, and the rope is falling down.” “I looked and there’s a cloud up there and it’s getting bigger and I’m shaking a lot, don’t you think?” “I think we ought to turn around now and go the other way.”
John was on automatic.
Werner said “son, if you are frightened, you don’t need to hide that. If you are afraid, it’s all right to let me know that you are afraid. You don’t need to go through that whole racket in order to hide the fact that you’re afraid.”
John acknowledged “Yeah, I’m afraid.”
John sat there and was able to experience fear. He was frightened. But he did stop talking. He no longer had to hide the fear with his talk. He could be quiet and he was.
When they were back to their hotel, Werner asked John: “How do you handle fear in life?” “How was he going to handle his being afraid in a sailboat?”
John had a very good idea about that. He said that he would just not go sailing anymore. The logic of this was overpowering. Werner remarked that what he can do is to avoid all the things that are uncomfortable in life as a way of getting around being uncomfortable. He can set a high value on being comfortable. That’s a sure solution and it’s a solution most people take. They get down in one little corner of the boat of life and play down in that corner, where it is nice and safe and where they are protected from all discomfort and all fear and all harm. And they are truly survivors.
They even look good, because they are always dealing with something as totally familiar to them, as something that they can handle.
Werner told John that it was possible to do that. The only problem with that is that he never gets to the true joy in life. Life gets more and more stuck. Eventually, he makes up really horrendous problems to have some variety in life. He might get deathly ill or have some tragic accident.
John thought that over for awhile. Werner asked if there’s another way to overcome his fear of sailing.
John came up with the idea that he could overcome his fear of sailing by being afraid of sailing. He got excited about going sailing and being frightened the next day. He actually looked forward to being frightened, because he already knew that he had discovered for himself that the way you overcome being afraid of sailing is by experiencing the fear. John chose to expand rather than to contract.
That’s the whole story about self-discipline. If you are afraid, the point is not to rub your nose in it, to inure yourself to it, to get used to it, or even to overcome it. The point is not to jam it down or suppress it. Rather the point is to choose to be uncomfortable in order to allow being uncomfortable to be. When you let something be, it lets you be. That way, you attain mastery.
What stands in the way of this is only your point of view. Your point of view is the point from which you view – which therefore you do not see. Your point of view is positional, and to get off it, to leave it behind, is always uncomfortable and frequently terrifying.

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About the author: Hoan Do is a certified leadership coach with John Maxwell Team. Hoan have led multiple teams at Symantec Inc. across the globe delivering world-class solutions to protect consumers and businesses. Hoan is an expert in building highly performing teams. He believes that the best leader is the leader that could grow his followers to be leaders. Hoan has been organizing mastermind groups at work to share with other leaders about transformational leadership and coaching. He has trained many leaders both inside and outside Symantec via mastermind groups, workshops, and one-on-one coaching. Hoan perfected his own method “think and lead rich” to start leaders with the right mindset before equipping them with a complete leadership development solution.

Quotes from Werner Erhard to help you deal with fear and live life lovingly:

 

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Reference: Werner Erhard The Transformation of a Man: The Founding of EST by William Warren Bartley III

Four frightening words every manager must avoid

One of the most dreadful sentences at work: “We need to talk.”

A manager comes to his engineer’s desk and says in hurry: “We need to talk.”

Engineer in fearful voice and distressed look: “Now?”

Manager:  “Tomorrow as I have to run.”

The manager leaves and the engineer is in complete puzzle. He’s now wondering if there’s any serious problem he’s got involved with. His co-workers who overheard the sentence come over asking if there’s any problem. They start sharing how stressful it was for them to hear the boss getting mad in one-on-one.

The engineer comes home losing sleep. He can’t even finish his meal worrying what’s going to happen when his boss talks to him.

The morning comes. The tired and stressful engineer meets the boss.

Manager: “The project you worked on last month got selected for the presidential award. I want to talk to you about the upcoming promotion.”

The engineer is shocked. He collapses and is sent to hospital in an ambulance.

The manager is investigated. It turns out that he has a habit of saying “we need to talk” to express his power. Often times, “we need to talk” resulted in serious talks with his engineers leaving the talk crying.

The manager is fired even though he’s a very competent guy.

If you are a manager, respect your people. Treat them the same way you want to be treated. Keep in mind that the meaning of your communication is in the other person’s mind, not yours.

#WorkplaceRudeness, #jerksatwork, #thesamuraicoach, #lifeisgood#letsgethonest, #letsbehonest, #letsgethonest

The ancient secret to control your anger

A leader who had a bad reputation due to his anger and hot temper came to see his coach.

“Coach, how can I manage my anger?” the leader asked.

“How committed are you to deal with your anger?”, asked the coach.

“Coach, I can’t control my anger. I got angry too easily. If this continues, I would lose my job, my wife, my children, and my friends. I beg you to help me”, the leader begged the coach.

“Here’s a bag of nails, a hammer, and a wooden board. Every time you get angry, put a nail into the board”, the coach gave out the secret.

The board was made of hard wood. It was difficult to put the nail in. The first day, the leader put 30 nails into the board. His hand hurt.

The second day, he put 25 nails into the board. The third day, he put 24 nails into the board. Gradually, the leader found that it was easier to control his anger than putting the nail into the board.

After 30 days, the leader found himself putting 0 nail into the board. He was finally able to control his anger.

He happily told his coach his success. The coach congratulated him and said: “Here’s the nail punch. Every time you can control your anger, use it to take one nail out of the board.”

Day after day, the leader took nails out of the board. Finally, he got all the nails out of the board. He felt accomplished and came to see the coach.

The coach gently told the leader: “Look at the board, my friend. It’s full of holes. No matter what you do, the holes will be on the board forever.”

The lesson: if you stab someone with a knife, no matter how many times you apologize the wound will be there forever. The pain caused by words is as painful as the physical pain. Angry words are like sharp knifes. You can cause permanent damages to someone that can’t never be healed.

#thesamuraicoach, #letsbehonest, #leadership, #coaching, #WorkplaceRudeness, #jerksatwork, #lifeisgood

A simple way to make someone happy

The lady behind the cashier at the gas station looks very unhappy and grumpy.

“Hi mam, could I use the complimentary air?” I uncomfortably asked.

She stared at me and said with no emotion “Sure.”

I returned a minute later: “Mam, the pump was not on.”

“I just pressed the button. I don’t know what else to do. Here I am pressing it again.” She said angrily.

“Hmm… this lady really wants me to pay?” I quietly thought.

After using the pump to inflate my car’s tires, I was thinking whether I should say “thank you” to her as she didn’t seem to be very friendly.

After going back and forth inside my head, I stepped up to the cashier and said “Thank you, mam.”

She gave me the brightest smile ever.

“You didn’t look very happy. Was there anything wrong?” I asked.

Smiling, she said :”People just came to order me to give them free air. No one actually said thank you like you did. You brighten my day. Thank you, sir.”

A simple thank you was all she needed.  Silent gratitude isn’t much good to anyone.

“Thank you” is simple but how often we use it.

Thank you for reading my post.

Now your turn to thank people even for the smallest thing they do for you.

#thesamuraicoach, #lifeisgood, #thankyou, #letsbehonest, #letsgethonest

How to win a battle but … lose the war

One way: winning an argument without caring about the outcome for the end user…

With the recent Equifax breach, an argument in Mid-May could have been:

Devoted engineers: Apache disclosed a vulnerability in March. We must patch our system with latest updates according to Apache guidelines as it can cause a security breach and impact our customers.

Other devoted engineers and management: We have to release tomorrow. We are not going to delay the release because of an Apache vulnerability. It’s been two months since Apache disclosed the vulnerability and no issue with our services. It’s too late to patch now. We will release according to the schedule or our boss wont be happy.

Management might have won the battle against those devoted engineers but the war was over when the breach happened. Customers suffered. Many of those customers could also be Equifax engineers and management.

How to win the war (might lose the battle):

Engineers: Apache disclosed a vulnerability in the version that our system is using. Patching will delay our release tomorrow.

Management: Let’s patch our system. My job can be on the line but customer First.

When you have lost the battle, but won the war, you have been defeated in a small conflict you have won a larger, more important one of which it was a part. 

#thesamuraicoach, #customerfirst, #equifax, #lifeisgood, #security, #leadership