The ancient secret to control your anger

A leader who had a bad reputation due to his anger and hot temper came to see his coach.

“Coach, how can I manage my anger?” the leader asked.

“How committed are you to deal with your anger?”, asked the coach.

“Coach, I can’t control my anger. I got angry too easily. If this continues, I would lose my job, my wife, my children, and my friends. I beg you to help me”, the leader begged the coach.

“Here’s a bag of nails, a hammer, and a wooden board. Every time you get angry, put a nail into the board”, the coach gave out the secret.

The board was made of hard wood. It was difficult to put the nail in. The first day, the leader put 30 nails into the board. His hand hurt.

The second day, he put 25 nails into the board. The third day, he put 24 nails into the board. Gradually, the leader found that it was easier to control his anger than putting the nail into the board.

After 30 days, the leader found himself putting 0 nail into the board. He was finally able to control his anger.

He happily told his coach his success. The coach congratulated him and said: “Here’s the nail punch. Every time you can control your anger, use it to take one nail out of the board.”

Day after day, the leader took nails out of the board. Finally, he got all the nails out of the board. He felt accomplished and came to see the coach.

The coach gently told the leader: “Look at the board, my friend. It’s full of holes. No matter what you do, the holes will be on the board forever.”

The lesson: if you stab someone with a knife, no matter how many times you apologize the wound will be there forever. The pain caused by words is as painful as the physical pain. Angry words are like sharp knifes. You can cause permanent damages to someone that can’t never be healed.

#thesamuraicoach, #letsbehonest, #leadership, #coaching, #WorkplaceRudeness, #jerksatwork, #lifeisgood

Why your employee behaves like an asshole? and you don’t know

First of all, you won’t like the answer. So if it pissed you off, stop reading. Go cry instead. If you have the gut to read, let’s continue.

The short answer is because you allow it.

Here’s the long answer.

First let’s give this employee a name: Messi.

Messi is very good with what he does. In some way, Messi is brilliant. Otherwise, you probably don’t care about him in the first place. Or you might have fired him when people complained to you that Messi is an asshole.

Messi only has one tiny problem: he doesn’t work well with people.

He behaves like a child. He screams, yells, uses manipulative words to get what he wants from others.

When his screaming, yelling, kicking doesn’t work, he uses his boss to get what he wants.

A typical way of using the boss is “my boss said so, so let’s do it or he will be mad.”

Surprisingly, this tactics of using the boss works. Messi got what he wanted all the time. Why? because no one ever went to Messi’s boss to ask for clarification.

And if anyone does, Messi’s boss would confirm whatever Messi said earlier and tell the brave person to do what Messi said. The behavior is reinforced time after time and people learned to listen to Messi.

To the boss, Messi is the most beloved and charming employee. In fact, the boss does everything to keep Messi happy.

If anyone ever mentions something different about Messi, the boss would shrug his shoulder off and told the poor guy that Messi deserves the love.

Messi would continue his tactics of screaming, yelling, manipulating, and using the boss when he can’t succeed with his own manipulation.

The word to describe Messi is the bully at work.

And when the bully gets what he wants, he will keep going.

You will only know about this type of behaviors when Messi starts to disappoint you.

Or when you start hearing complaints after complaints about Messi.

Or when you start finding out why things don’t work.

You might wonder how you can help Messi before it’s too late.

Yes, that’s a smart thought. If you let Messi continue, it’s not only harmful to Messi (he also needs to grow up), but also in the long run it doesn’t help you. People will stay away from you.

So how can you help Messi? how can you help yourself?

The following describes a simple method that you can start using. More complex and powerful methods are available upon requests.

  1. Gather 360 feedbacks about Messi. Ask people to give candid feedbacks.
  2. Observe Messi and become aware yourself with how Messi behaves toward others
  3. Meet with Messi and have a candid conversation with him. Messi will listen to you as usual.
  4. Give Messi feedbacks
  5. Come up with a plan of actions with Messi to change his behavior
  6. Work on yourself and become aware why you allowed the type of Messi’s behavior in the first place.

Keep in mind that team work makes dream work. To succeed, you need a team.